Those Monsters

John (not his real name) said at an AA meeting recently "When I picked up my first beer at age 15, I was no longer stuck with me." That's a common theme in the rooms of twelve step programs. The members didn't like who they thought they were; addictive substances and/or addictive behavior became their escape from themselves. a relief from that committee in the head telling them they just didn't measure up. I have that same committee chatting away in my head. And after sixteen years, none of them have yet resigned! They are all monsters.

My youngest brother used alcohol and later drugs; my sister used food; I used relationships and as an adult, alcohol. My second brother used alcohol and later work. All ways to keep the committee quiet. A way to shut down our minds. At least for awhile. Anne Lamont said something like my mind is a dangerous neighborhood; I wouldn't want to go there alone, That saying has been attributed to other writers as well. The should monster lives there along with lots of other monsters: the critical, compare/despair, impatient, fear, and inadequate monster. Some are scarier than others. For me, the unlovable monster is pretty frightening. And depending on the day, one will wrest control of another. It can be a real battle going on in the neighborhood.

I believe those monsters moved out from under the bed and into our head when we were very young. For some people those monsters are in complete control. But for others, we get to the place where we challenge them and may the best man (or monster) win. And the best man is us. We become the hero.

At today's meeting a member said she was grateful for her sobriety. I thought to myself I am so grateful for the twelve step program. Not just the steps; the program which includes the book Alcoholics Anonymous, the meetings, our sponsor. It's all of these aspect of the program that teach us how to live without fear of the committee or our monsters. It teaches us how to forgive those that hurt us in the past, how to forgive, and most importantly, how to love ourselves. The program shows us that love for ourselves and others (even our enemy the AA big book tells us) is the key to a beautiful life. We can even love and forgive those monsters. They are fighting for their lives. But we don't give them power any more. I just thank mine for sharing with me, pat him/her on his ugly head and then ignore what he said.

Just today the leader shared he was 52 years old and sick and tired of drinking. He said for so long he used alcohol to numb those voices in his head. He didn't want to believe them any longer. He was ready for a new way of life. A young women shared that when she came into the rooms of AA several years ago, she was angry at everyone. She blamed everyone and everything for her chaotic, unhappy life. She hated her mother. She now has a great relationship with her mother. They even live together happily. Another woman shared a similar story. She was angry with her daughter because her daughter often forgets to thank Mom for the cleaning she does for her daughter. The should monster told her that her daughter SHOULD thank her. Today she helps her daughter without expectations. She does it because helping her daughter feels good. And Matt, a newcomer in his first 30 days of sobriety relapsed after three weeks of not drinking. The cause? He got in a fight with his wife and didn't know what to do with his anger. So he got drunk. His son found him passed out on the kitchen floor. Now he's ready to learn how a balanced and mature adult handles the anger monster He's ready to put those monsters in their place. He's ready to forgive and love himself, forgive and love others.

Love and tolerance is the code of Alcoholics Anonymous. A great way to live.